Moving on from my previous post discussing how little boys should be encouraged by their mothers to do things by themselves, today I will tell you a story…

Once upon a time there was a magical fairy that lived in every household. It was flying happily from room to room and its favourite occupation was to keep an eye on all details, make sure that everything was at the right place, the household stayed clean and worked like clockwork. Every day the little fairy was the only magical creature in the house who discreetly and undetected did the following (and not only):

– change the toilet roll when it was all gone; water the in-door plants; pick up the wet towels from the floor; organize all cupboards and drawers; wipe the urine drops from the bathroom floor and the ring of the toilet bowl; put the electric toothbrush back on the charger when the battery was flat; set the dinning table and clear it out before and after every meal… and the list goes on and on and on…

Is there a moral in this story? The little fairy is called ‘mum’ and her magic power of doing by herself all of the above -and much more- originates from the belief that men will always be men and they won’t participate in the household chores no matter the age. Here is where I disagree!

Men of any age can and should be responsible for themselves and cleaning out their own mess behind them! It is that simple. If we, women and mothers allow it to happen, just because we think it has something to do with their manhood, then the little and big men around us will grab the opportunity to stay irresponsible for all the years to come… and expect the little fairy to fly to their rescue from magic wonderland 🙂

I have heard one too many mothers of boys narrating how her rebellious little man aims his pee on the outside ring of the toilet bowl, sometimes encouraged by the father himself, to see how far they can aim – thinking it is a macho game! Fine! I have no problem with a’ father-son bonding game’; as long as they both take a wet cloth with some soap and disinfectant and clean up afterwards the ‘proud stains’ they left behind. I don’t believe any little one who claims with ‘crocodile tears’ that he cannot wipe the floor clean…When I see how quickly and with what dexterity they move their fingers around their Lego creations, I don’t ‘buy it’ for a second that they simply cannot handle the circular motion of one hand wiping the floor or both hands setting the table, or picking up the wet towels from the floor after they shower.

As long as our beloved little boys are not physically impaired or mentally challenged, and we, the parents, have shown them with love and care how it is done, I see no reason why they cannot do it. In fact, when they do participate in household chores they feel included in the team, they enjoy a sense of accomplishment and have fun! This is their kingdom too. Their home is their first territory of dominance in life and if mothers show them through playing and fun activities how to look after it, then little boys learn to respect it.

In the old days mothers were terrified of suggesting something like this to their boys in fear that they take away their ‘essence of being a man’ and wasting their time in ‘mundane tasks’…Some of these ‘mundane tasks’ would lead ‘wonder woman mothers’ to extreme behaviours such as sending by post cooked food to their 20 year old sons who studied abroad! Even better, they would travel to the foreign country of study on a mission to cook for 5-6 days and freeze up meals for their sons to have enough food to go by!! I honestly know a mother who has been sending food by courier and has been telling her son to bring her the laundry every time he comes to visit!!! I know, I know, this can be an expression of love and it has to go ‘through the stomach’, but would it not be more convenient and ‘macho’ if this 20 year old boy/man knew how to cook and operate the washing machine by himself?

This is the mentality that brought up generations of spoiled men incapable of being really independent and self-reliant. I am sure you all know the men who are still waiting for their wives or housekeepers to line up their set of clothes in the morning, otherwise they will for sure be wearing one black and one brown sock and the outfit will be looking like a fruit salad 🙂 To top this up they go to work only to have a hoard of secretaries to tell them what to do, from reminding them about important meetings down to picking up their dry cleaning…and I am asking… Thanks to their ‘little fairies’ these men have avoided these ‘mundane tasks’, but are they enjoying a life of luxury or are they living a life of constant dependency?

Would it not be better to watch a young man being a true man with his own sense of identity and confidence in everything he does? I think every mother would be proud to watch her boy functioning alone responsibly, without a fairy, and go through his day in a concentrated self-controlled manner. Or shall we teach them to sit back and wait for the little fairy to serve them? …and when the little fairy is not there anymore? What happens then? Could this explain the numerous instances of grown up men appearing too spoiled, weak, aggravated and insecure? Could it be because the ‘know how’ is missing?

I invite you to just think about it.

Respectfully yours,

Diana Z