Have you been in the waiting room of a hospital lately? Have you observed the numerous wife patients and the husband escorts who are supposed to be there providing support and keeping their sick wives company?
Have you noticed the fear in the women’s eyes in anticipation of their procedure (no matter what it is), the discomfort and anxiety in waiting to see the doctor? Have you noticed how uncomfortable the husbands are in their role as protectors and ‘shoulders to lean on’? They hardly utter a word to their wives to keep their minds off of the situation at hand and are more interested in playing with their mobile phone, going out to smoke and/or go eat and drink a coffee. And by the way…they don’t even think to ask the sick wife next to them if maybe she would like something to eat or drink. She is too much of an inconvenience at that moment as she has upset their schedule and they are stuck there…so they better ignore her!
Well, dear world, I have witnessed one too many of these examples even in cases where the women have been carrying the men’s child! I can’t help but wonder…what kind of emotional programming is missing from these adult men? Where did they lose the simple gesture of being humane? Did they even learn it when they were little boys?
As a mother, sometimes I wonder could something have gone wrong in the upbringing of these men? Could it be that previous generations of mothers just accepted that their boys would grow automatically into fine men and would figure it out by themselves? Could it be that mothers were too busy trying to deal with their own problems in relationships with even more heartless men that they lost interest in trying to teach or guide their sons not to copy their fathers’ behaviour?
Was it perhaps too difficult for these mothers to handle and re-shape the male nature? Is there one really? I have read a lot of studies on male behaviour and the differences between men and women. I do find that, yes, there are a lot of differences in many levels, but I don’t think that at the level of being purely human, caring and considerate (especially to those women men say they love) there should be a different male and a different female approach.
I somehow don’t buy this whole argument about men being the tough hunters still living in the jungle, still earning the money to keep families afloat this being the justification of all their lack of emotional involvement that can be demonstrated through simple acts of compassion and tender loving care.
Would it be so difficult for the man at the hospital instead of holding onto the mobile phone and checking his social media friends to just hold his wife’s hand and look her in the eyes with an understanding look that said: ‘I am here for you. Don’t worry. It will all go well’? Does a small gesture of kindness make him less of a man, less of a jungle hunter, less of a provider?
I really am not sure where the other mothers in previous generations could have gone wrong with instilling in their sons simple values like those I have described above, and I am not out on distributing blame on anyone…but I am hoping that I will be doing a better job.
At least, I am trying every day to show my little boy the magic effects of giving someone sick a hug, of asking ‘how are you feeling today?’ and hold someone’s hand in times of sadness or fear. I try to explain to him that we are all born equal no matter our gender and that we all deserve to be treated with respect and genuine care at all times. Even when he sometimes sees men in his own environment falling into the same trap of emotional detachment, I try to encourage my boy that he can do better than that! He could hopefully be the ‘next upgraded model of a male with a heart’. If I were to accept the theory that men are by design macho and incapable of showing public affection and planet Mars, where they are coming from, has rocketed them down to earth in the form of irresistible egocentric hard rock formations, I can only hope that my own little boy will soon realise that through those simple acts of kindness and compassion that I teach him he can use his inner good energy to balance out the ‘male beast’ that may be living within.
Once again, dear world, please, don’t be offended by some generalisations. Sometimes, they serve the purpose in carrying my point across. There are still nice men and boys out there whose mothers have done, and are still doing, a fabulous job…and of this fabulous achievement I am dreaming…!
